well it happened again.
i find myself sitting on my computer listening to sad music and looking at love quotes online about heartbreaks
my eyes are swollen again
and that lump in my throat won’t seem to go away
that feeling of you’re not good enough or worth it comes back
i feel ugly. i feel below average. i feel stupid. and unworthy
my nose is running and this frown just doesn’t seem to go away.
i feel alone. no one here even pretends to care. they don’t know.
i know i did this to myself. once again i let someone in and got burned.
maybe that’s why i just hook up with random guys and not care.
i can’t handle actual rejection and that feeling when you completely put yourself out there and find out you’re no good. i guess i’m just not girlfriend material. maybe i’m just too quiet and boring. i don’t say the right things at the right time.
i probably will just end up alone. and i’m not okay with it. sometimes i think about it. dying. i know it’s selfish. but still i’m human, it’s instinctive to be selfish. i know my friends and family will miss me. but i want to know the reaction of the ones i like and care about. would you even here? no probably not. would you even care? nope didn’t think so. i’m just sick of being alone and if i feel like at a point that’s going to be my future. i can’t bare to continue living i don’t think. i know it’s harsh. but honestly, that’s exactly how i feel and always will

worthless. ugly. fat. stupid. naive.